Chapter 38: Diary of a Disabled PhD Student
Posts 370-379: Returning back to Balance as to the way forward (18.5.24-24.5.24)
Context: These posts are found on my Facebook Diary of a Disabled PhD Student
I collated posts from my Facebook Diary of a Disabled PhD Student page into a Word version. A selection of these Facebook posts are in the Word version of my PhD thesis. Here, on this ‘The Diary of a Disabled PhD Student’ part of my Substack website, I collate all my Facebook posts so you can see in chronological order from when I started the Diary on 20.4.2023. Each Chapter is 9 Diary Facebook posts in chronological order. I have given the chapter a theme underneath the heading title above. There is a photo at the end of each post related to the discussion within that post. My Substack also hosts 1) The Disabled Peoples Project and Disabled Actors Project, which show biographies of different people with disabilities on different social media platforms (I am the creator, editor and contributor) and 2) The Creative Writing Hub. I reference these aspects within my Diary along with my Medium articles and Talks during my PhD. My full research website where these components can be found is www.linktr.ee/disabledphdstudent. My Diary posts reflect on different aspects of my research website together with reflecting on daily life from having disabilities and chronic illness, my experiences during a unique and unusual period of my life doing a PhD, along with other snippets of my life not related to either! I also discuss various digital media creators, journalism and TV sources within posts along with interviews done during my PhD period.
N.B I say ‘unique and unusual’ because only 2% of the UK population have a PhD*, with little research surrounding the intersectionality of those who have completed doctorates. However, indicators* suggest few disabled, working-class people complete a PhD out of them 2%. When I graduate with my PhD will mark my 20th anniversary of being a mature student at the same university. As a working-class middle-aged woman with many disabilities and chronic health conditions from a family of intergenerational struggles, I explored during my Diary of a Disabled PhD Student how the heck I got to this point. With the hope to break down the ‘Glass-Ceiling’ for others who face struggles wanting to pursue their dreams, whatever those dreams may be.
*current figures only record up to age 64!
Chapter 38 below contains Posts 370-379 (18.5.24-24.5.24) from my Facebook Diary of a Disabled PhD Student.
Chapter 38 Posts 370-379:
Post 370- the sunshine balance- 18.5.24
To mark World IBD Day, I’ve decided to get far more balanced in my life.
Right, I love the sun. I’m not likely to enjoy the sun so much this year writing PhD, but I must balance a bit more.
As discussed before, the sun helps me manage my health in many ways. It also helps me manage pain from my condition.
So I keep a daily ‘clock in clock out’ timesheet of time and what I spend that time on related to my PhD. Today, 10-4 pm, re-editing Findings and Limitations. Ironically, I have to not only find my limitations but balance them! -
So, from 4 pm, I will sit in the garden enjoying the sun. I aim to do this for at least one hour per day. It may mean getting up earlier to write, but I need to do this for my health! I may not have James Martin's elaborate garden disabled-friendly BBQ talked about the other day, but I do have a reclining sun lounger and the birds to enjoy.
Post 371- different experiences of the 90’s- 19.5.24
In my 90s teenage years, I had a bit of this, but more the R&B inner-city culture, which I might explore more in another article sometime.
Post 372- damn it- 19.5.24
As soon as you try to get the balance, the sun goes in. Just like the PhD and my health!
Post 373- life and De’Ath sums up progress well- 19.5.24
TikTok creator life and De’Ath sums up progress well by this quote. Each day, he sits in an ice-cold bath for 4 minutes, saying different quotes. This one was
‘The man who moved a mountain began by moving small stones.’
Progress is progress 1%. Perseverance and keeping on going is important for the result.
Post 374- T.V. review Warren - 19.5.24
Warren is a comedy series available on Amazon Prime. Episode One introduces Martin Clunes, who plays an irritated driving instructor who is worried about everything and everyone and next door's pond!
It's hilarious and great, easy watching and escapism in a world of seriousness.
***
Three stars (out of 5)
Post 375- Accountability of balance - 20.5.24
Mattia Mas does vlogs on TikTok, such as this one below ‘defence diaries.’ She says doing the diaries gives her more accountability for doing the work. It must have worked as she’s got to the viva stage, having completed her thesis. Here, she prepares for her Viva, which is like an oral interview exam at the end of your thesis, which says whether you pass PhD or not.
Many PhD students have joined the TikTok platform, creating such diary vlogs of their journey, commonly with hashtags such as #phdtiktok #phdlife #gradschool. I do a diary on TikTok but incorporate all aspects of life especially my vast TV diaries! Called Disability Diary @disabledphdstudent
Anyway, in my case, it’s not accountability for doing the work; it’s accountability for relaxing for the balance required during the PhD. So as yesterday, I said I aim to sit outside each day. As I have solidly been writing a re-editing thesis 9 am-3.30 pm, I’m taking 2 hours to sit outside….. if the weather remains good!
Mattia Mas TikTok PhD diaries:
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeXmK8t4/
My TikTok diary:
https://www.tiktok.com/@disabledphdstudent?_t=8mViArgKhEn...
Photo: garden using today’s diary as accountability for balance
Post 376- It's OK to cry- 21.5.24
I wouldn't advise doing a practice-based PhD- it means doing two PhDs, really- the practice project just isn't respected enough for its craft. Anyway, as I'm doing another all-dayer, I listened to this song from one of my earlier Diary posts (long story- I'm collating all these posts into Substack articles). I had a little cry. Now I'm OK and carrying on re-editing my PhD thesis with my bum gone hard.
n.b, please do a practice-based PhD if you are thinking of doing a PhD. The university system needs more!
Post 377- It’s OK to watch T.V.- 24.5.24
So those who have followed see I have some writing habits. These are:
1) Bed
2) Bed Trolley with laptop, keyboard, charger, mouse, and diary as a mouse mat.
3) Coffee/Chai tea on the trolly, maybe a banana too at times.
4) Curtains shut
5) T.V. stays on - have on mute but at times turned back on sound. The volume control button is broken now, so press the specific mute button.
6) Phone on bed
7) Toilet available nearby
Lately I have been getting into this routine straight after waking up. Today, I’m taking it easy and having a coffee first…… while watching TV!!
Quite a few people have said, ‘How can you have the T.V. on whilst writing……. And why bother if you have it on mute?’
It may be a running joke: why do I have to have the T.V. on ALL the time whilst being at home, mostly for academics? In fact, when I did my degree, we did a Media module, and the teacher didn’t even have a T.V. or watch T.V. yet critiqued the media world. I did think that was strange at the time. I thought, ‘How can he critique when he doesn’t even watch it?’ But I was made to feel I was the strange one watching so much T.V. and fell for his superior knowledge, so I never questioned it out loud. I was indeed the privileged one being taught by someone like him and being in such an establishment as a university.
Well, I think having the T.V. has helped me stay with current issues, and to be honest, I have learned more from T.V. than any academic book……. And I’ve read a fair few now.
P.S. The teacher also didn’t read tabloid newspapers yet critiqued them…. he said, ‘the average reading age of them is 7 years old’ to ‘sensationalised fiction/ boring’. I have also learned more from tabloids than from academic books and read them (both tabloids and academic books) a lot. Some could argue that academic books are ‘sensationalised fiction and boring.’ But even if that comment was true, mostly T.V. and tabloids are easily accessible to people. Academic books are not in so many ways. For example, 1) many have to pay for them, and they are often more expensive than other types of books. Many are not available ebook to phone or Kindle like Amazon (some clever so and so will say, ‘well, we got open access now,’ but that’s another story) 2)) see them on a difficult-to-read platform 3) language is inaccessible. 4) culture of referencing others to make feel cleverer ‘theoretical underpinnings’ keep getting floated around then referencing an academic who ‘they’ are familiar with. So maybe academia has to work on them aspects more for people to relate to like we do with T.V. and tabloids.
Image description: left) coffee in bed whilst watching T.V., right) writing set up bed, trolley, Tab
Post 378- Michael Hussey on ‘Impact’- 24.5.24
Michael Hussey said on Lorraine ITV this morning ‘on a date, you see the impact. Seeing the impact isn’t the same as seeing the character……. You see the character over time and consistency, which is the most important, not impact.’
He also says, ‘If you don’t like the culture - create it’ …. Get a new community.
Post 379- B*oody freezing- 24.5.24
Last two weeks, I’ve been pi*sed off the bus coming early as I like this time to reflect and have ‘space to think.’ This week, I’m p*ssed off the bus isn’t early because it’s b*oody freezing so cold that I can’t think.
