Chapter 32: Diary of a Disabled PhD Student (23.12.23- 15.3.24)
Posts 310-319 Irony bridging opposites
Context: These posts are found on my Facebook Diary of a Disabled PhD Student
I collated posts from my Facebook Diary of a Disabled PhD Student page into a Word version. A selection of these Facebook posts are in the Word version of my PhD thesis. Here, on this ‘The Diary of a Disabled PhD Student’ part of my Substack website, I collate all my Facebook posts so you can see in chronological order from when I started the Diary on 20.4.2023. Each Chapter is 9 Diary Facebook posts in chronological order. I have given the chapter a theme underneath the heading title above. There is a photo at the end of each post related to the discussion within that post. My Substack also hosts 1) The Disabled Peoples Project and Disabled Actors Project, which show biographies of different people with disabilities on different social media platforms (I am the creator, editor and contributor) and 2) The Creative Writing Hub. I reference these aspects within my Diary along with my Medium articles and Talks during my PhD. My full research website where these components can be found is www.linktr.ee/disabledphdstudent. My Diary posts reflect on different aspects of my research website together with reflecting on daily life from having disabilities and chronic illness, my experiences during a unique and unusual period of my life doing a PhD, along with other snippets of my life not related to either! I also discuss various digital media creators, journalism and TV sources within posts along with interviews done during my PhD period.
N.B I say ‘unique and unusual’ because only 2% of the UK population have a PhD*, with little research surrounding the intersectionality of those who have completed doctorates. However, indicators* suggest few disabled, working-class people complete a PhD out of them 2%. When I graduate with my PhD will mark my 20th anniversary of being a mature student at the same university. As a working-class middle-aged woman with many disabilities and chronic health conditions from a family of intergenerational struggles, I explored during my Diary of a Disabled PhD Student how the heck I got to this point. With the hope to break down the ‘Glass-Ceiling’ for others who face struggles wanting to pursue their dreams, whatever those dreams may be.
*current figures only record up to age 64!
Chapter 32 below contains Posts 310-319 (23.12.23-15.3.24) from my Diary of a Disabled PhD Student.
Chapter 32 Posts 310-319:
Post 310- keyboard rant (included within DSA series) - 23.12.23.
For some reason, my Logitech K380 keyboard won’t pair with my laptop. Okay, it pairs with the phone, so I know there's nothing wrong with the keyboard. I spent 1 hour trawling through YouTube and online advice to no avail. I spent another hour today doing the same ‘just in case’ some miracle and finding the answer after listening to random YouTube advice after 29 minutes. I'm trying all the advice.
I’m using my bigger keyboard, which, luckily, I have. For anyone with disabilities, this is as big as a certain piece of equipment, which doesn’t necessarily cost much, and it means so much. I feel lost without my K380, and it helped so because it fit perfectly on my bed trolley (all brought by myself, not provided by DSA)
https://medium.com/@disabledphdstudent/dsa-diary-9f8115beea99
Post 311—Brilliant Progress Sign Language will be offered as a GCSE. It doesn’t say how many schools there are, but hopefully, all will deliver it.
update edit May 17th 2024: on Good Morning Britain this morning, that many subjects, even maths and business studies, are having to be scrapped from school curriculums due to not being able to find teachers- we seem to be in a teacher shortage epidemic. Are teachers available for British Sign Language even if schools implement which will still be seen if they do?
Post 312- Jesus Christ- 24.12.2023
I need to write this post to create more paperwork. Who would have thought there would be so much paperwork with an Online Diary- I take Word copies, tables and an index of it and full references within the posts.......crikey Jesus Christ, here's some more paperwork to do now. Merry Christmas, everyone. I'm signing out for a couple of days, no PhD stuff. Next year someone will say 'what did you do for Xmas last year?'. Me 'PhD'. Next year not likely to bloom. Never again, PhD Illusion and Reality
Post 313- The real name of the bridge- 1.1.2024
Happy New Year!
This morning, I remembered posts from August when I went to Spain, particularly this bridge connecting Portugal and Spain.
For several reasons that I posted about at the time, we saw the bridge many times whilst there…. up and down the road on the bridge about eight times, under it about 4, and probably flown over it too! All locals and guides call it ‘Independence Bridge.’ Some joke that in Portugal, they like to call the bridge Ronaldo Bridge, but the Spanish call it Independence Bridge. I thought of destiny and irony as I often use the Independence principle during my research - independence away from bias, censorship, and balance, which could be argued as the essence of true research. I don’t manage it all the time, though. It was some message that I was sent up and down there more frequently than a Yo-Yo by accident whilst there.
Anyway, something made me look the bridge up this morning. The official texts call the bridge ‘Guadiana International Bridge’, not Independence Bridge. It just shows I am not always right in what I report, and we should all be more confident to acknowledge such mistakes! But I prefer Independence Bridge. If I hadn’t gone there, talked with people and had guides, I wouldn’t have known about it commonly being called Independence Bridge. Because all that I would have read about would have been the word someone else other than the people living and breathing the air there call it. I will always be grateful for the knowledge the people there taught me in many ways.
Below- Independence Bridge
Post 314- age is just a number- 4.1.23
showing can be any age to start University and do a PhD
https://www.mysocialworknews.com/.../meet-the-90-year-old...
Post 315- The Blur Out - 12.1.24
I can be like a workhorse- carry on until collapsing. That is what I did with my PhD. But instead of calling it Burn Out. I’m calling it Blurred Out or Blue Blur Out. Because my eyes became that blurry, I couldn’t see the screen, forcing me to take a break. I continued through thick or thin over the Xmas period, making everyday county during my thesis write-up. But I think I was looking at screens too much, which is said to give off blue light, which isn’t good. My whole eye shape started to change. Most of Sunday is out of action PhD-wise, which dragged on until Wednesday when I resumed Al, be it not in regimented order until today. I’m back as a workhorse with a vengeance.
I refreshed with it and felt a load of crap being shovelled up.
Horses symbolise strength, courage, and freedom. Also, what are important qualities for research? Also, ironically, Anna Sewell, who wrote Black Beauty, the first autobiography of a horse, which improved the life of workhorses, was disabled, and I did a biography of her for the disabled people’s project some time ago, which I’ll put the links here in due course. Never be afraid of being a workhorse. It brings immense strength.
Lots to update on the diary over the weekend, and I made notes during my ‘quiet’ period.
Post 316- Curtains open- 12.1.24
Some of you would have seen that I had the blinds shut over time. I made the excuse that it had to do with dodgy fitting blinds (lesson to measure properly). They were hanging on by a thread or my innovative solution with the blue! When new windows were put in, I had curtains instead of blinds as I thought they would be easier to open all the time. But I have had them shut. I opened them today. I realised I prefer writing with the curtains/blinds closed. More than anything I prefer blinds now the blooming curtains are in!
Photo: view of real office (pp.’s new bedding) and window with curtains open for once.
Post 317- A screen says 1000 words, or now A QR Code says 1000 words- 13.1.24
Update May 17, 2024: This is my shortest article on Medium, but it has had the most success regarding likes, views, and referencing (on Medium when a section is highlighted). Showing less is more in our contemporary world!
https://medium.com/@disabledphdstudent/my-research-poster-6c220cd95c19
Post 318-The Irony of workers within the DWP facing difficulties -13.1.2024
I reported this earlier in my diary. I thought there wasn't much research about this—what happens to workers' health when they implement difficulties for users?
https://www.disabilitynewsservice.com/health-and.../...
Post 319- The sun is out re-birth- 15.3.23.
So, I’ve not written here since Xmas (well, Jan 15th, but Xmas goes on for a month afterwards, right?!). For various reasons- 1) when does the ‘practice-based’ part of the PhD end?! 2) Every time I submit anything on the website, I must do loads of paperwork for the thesis, so the paperwork becomes a thing where I think, ‘Shall I bother?’?! 3) the PhD experience does something to brain chemistry. It zaps any creative spirit the last year 4) been writing the 40,000 words critical reflections for part of the thesis about my diary, which is a reflection!! 5) I’ve been keeping a ‘float’ managing health and PhD. 6) I’ve been keeping separate diaries, journeying the PhD experience for the stuff I can’t publicly speak about because of PhD politics.
I’ll write more over the next few weeks and months about all the ‘stuff’ I’ve been up to, including somehow being in an acclaimed art exhibition even though I’m rubbish at art—I’ll share an article and video over the next few days about that. I'll also write about the mundane everyday stuff of catching the bus, which ironically tells a story of disability.
Anyway, on the way to creative writing class today sun was out. I felt the spring heat shining through the sun and felt a re-violation. But then, on the way back, it started to rain at the thought of coming home and re-editing my thesis. That says it all. But academia, I’ve realised you can’t ’show’ - unfortunately, you have to ‘tell’. So, academia isn’t full of smart people. It’s very basic: pretend to be smart through posh language. If anyone hasn’t seen the documentary on BBC2 called ‘Is University Worth It?’ It’s well worth a watch. The TV show discussed the dilemma of universities being a business model yet students and staff finding it difficult. They didn’t mention the problem with language and presentation of essays, etc. However, I am eternally grateful someone like me has reached PhD stage. Some disabled people go and do the Paralympics. For me, education is my sport. It is a marathon which is difficult due to disabilities but well worth it despite all the ‘rants.’ Wealth and health can be taken away. Nothing can take away your education.
Photos below: catching the bus on the way to creative writing class. 2nd photo is on the way back. I think the weather god knew I was returning home to re-edit my thesis to
Show metaphorically what it’s like!
